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The Ultimate Guide to Saving Your Marriage – Stop Divorce and Rekindle the Love

Suppose You Could Have Saved Your Marriage…

…but you didn’t know where to start. If that’s you,
than this could be the most important letter you ever read.

You could cut the tension in your home with a knife.

You love your spouse, and they love you. You’ve been married for years, and at one time happily. But now it’s just a memory; and you can’t believe this is happening to YOU.

How did it happen? Where did your marriage skid off course? More importantly, can y

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Two of the blogs I regularly read to give me inspiration for what I write here are Chris Brogan and Seth Godin. These two business blogs rarely show up in my Sunday links because Seth and Chris don’t write about marriage – but much of what they write easily applies to marriage.

The next few days I am going to use posts made by Chris and Seth as a jumping off place for marriage tips. For today, I’d like you to think about how you treat your bride versus how you treat your co-workers, subordinates, bosses, customer, clients, suppliers and other business contacts. Do you treat business contacts better than you treat your bride? If you treated business contacts the way you treat your bride, would it hurt your business, cost you a promotion, or even get you fired? If the answer is yes, what do you think that kind of treatment is doing to your bride, and to your marriage?

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A Two-Year Marriage License: The Commitment Contract
The Revolutionary: Two-Year Marriage License: The Commitment Contract offers an easy system for renewing seven areas in a relationship: fair fighting, sex, routines and habits, social expectations, family and friends, living arrangements and money.
A Two-Year Marriage License: The Commitment Contract

Stop Marriage Divorce eBook
Amazing eBook to Help Save your Marriage & Stop Your Divorce. Highest Conversion & Payout report.
Stop Marriage Divorce eBook

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A few phrases I hear that drive me crazy, and what I usually don’t say in reply:

“I know it will work out, because God would not have put me into this if He was not going to get me out.“
Maybe God did not put you there; maybe it was your doing.

“God only gives us what we can handle.“
Unfortunately, most of us have a bad habit of biting off more than we can chew, and then blaming it on God.

“God’s Word shall not return void.“
This is used to claim that a prayer will be answered as we prayed it, or sharing the Gospel will result in salvation. This seems more like witchcraft to me. The scripture that is misquoted here is from Isaiah, and it’s about the words God speaks, not what we say:

“So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”[Isaiah 55:11 NKJV]

“It’s a sign.”
You can make anything a sign. Some folks live their life by perceived signs, and make a mess of things.

“I’m waiting for a sign.“
Jesus had some rude words for those who are looking for signs.

“I don’t know why He led me into that deal/choice that cost me a million dollars/my house/my marriage, but I know it was Him.“
Or, maybe your pride won’t let you admit you made a mistake?

Basically all of these have a way of putting on God things that are often not God’s doing. These are ways of excusing our errors, justifying our actions, or allowing us to feel good about continuing to do something that is somewhere between silly and suicidal.

In addition, just once I would like to hear someone say “I thought it was God, but now I know I was wrong.” I have had people continue to say something was God when it so clearly was not, and it’s just annoying!

Just to pretend this rant is marriage related   Do you ever use God to cover your mistakes with your bride? I’m pretty sure that is a good way to get in bad with both of them!

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Better Husbands and Fathers

The Sexually Unavailable Wife: A very good guest post by Julie Sibert of Intimacy In Marriage.

Black and Married with Kids

Whatever You Dwell on Will GROW: Another outstanding post by Harriet Hairston. Adding Harriet to my list of people I want to meet.
Kiss Your Spouse!: Can’t argue with the need for more spouse kissing!
VIDEO: Trinity UCC Married Couples Ministry Dance Shuts It Down!!!: Real couples (some married over 40 years) showing their love in a choreographed dance. I’m not big on watching dance, but the love I saw in this was awesome!

Gwen in Love

The Five Love Languages: A video clip of Gary Chapman talking about his book. (BTW, I will do a follow up on comments made on my recent post about The Five Love Languages .)

Happily Married After

The Finance Meeting: Do you have a regular financial meeting at home? Maybe you should!

Journey to Surrender

Man Up Monday – Letter to a Weary Husband: Scott has gone past talking to himself, and is now writing to himself. The result is worth reading.
To The Wife of a Weary Husband: Now Scott’s alter ego has a wife, and the letter to her is also good reading.

Marriage Gems

Stop Annoying Me, Dear!: A video that will make you think more of your bride and less of her beautiful imperfections.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?: Lori Lowe has more stats – this time on the efficacy of marriage counselling.
How Do You Define Intimacy?: Lori discusses the book I will be reading on a plane today – 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage

ONE Extraordinary Marriage

Your Marriage – Michelle & Rich Bass: A guest post on blended families.

The Romantic Vineyard

A Walk Through The Vineyard: The start of a new series applying the fruit of the Spirit to marriage.
Project 52: Tom’s Turn: Once again Tom shows he knows how to wow his bride. Take notes, gents.

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Question by Joe L: What does homosexuality have to do with the issue of “gay marriage”?
Homosexuals can marry anywhere and at any time. A lesbian could marry a homosexual male. They could even have sex and reproduce.

Heterosexuals of the same sex cannot marry. So, if we allow homosexuals of the same sex to marry, then we would be discriminating against heterosexuals.

And, if we allow same sex marriage, people of the same sex would marry just for the tax breaks and other benefits. Two dudes living together in a college dorm would choose to marry for the tax breaks. They could then hit the town to pick up women more frequently.

There is no way to prove that two people are sexually attracted to each other. So, what does “gay marriage” have to do with homosexuality? Absolutely nothing. Instead, it’s all about money.
Again, how does a married couple prove that it is gay? How could the marriage of two people of the same sex possibly disturb any heterosexuals if there is no way to even prove that they are gay?

Best answer:

Answer by FRAGINAL-NOYPI AKO
Homosexuality will be more respected if gay marriage is legalized. There will be more homo to sprout and get out in the open.

What do you think? Answer below!

Here are a few bits of the key findings of THE EFFECTS OF PORNOGRAPHY ON INDIVIDUALS, MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND COMMUNITY:

• Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Wives notice and are upset by the difference.
• Among couples affected by one spouse’s addiction, two-thirds experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.
• Men who view pornography regularly have a higher tolerance for abnormal sexuality …
• Prolonged consumption of pornography by men produces stronger notions of women as commodities or as “sex objects.”

In short, porn use tends to move a man (or woman) away from sex with their spouse, and when sex with their spouse does occur, they are less satisfied.

Seems to me that a man can use porn or develop a good sex life with his bride – but he can’t do both. I know some of you think, “She’s not putting out enough” or “She will never give me what I really want” and use that to justify using porn. Just realise that the porn use is destroying your chance of ever having an enjoyable sex life with your bride. I understand the temptation to “take what you can get” now, but it’s cheating both of you deeply.

Is there a chance your bride will ever become the sexually hungry woman you would like her to be? In reality there is. It’s true that some women will never change, but I’ve heard a number of stories of women who went from “Not this month” to “Every day of the week and twice on Sunday”. Somewhere between the late 30’s to the early 50’s a significant minority of women have a “sexual awakening”. The reasons for this include hormonal changes, less time and energy used raising children, greater self-confidence, and better body image. However, there are also things that will limit or prevent a sexual awakening; things such as relationship issues and sexual problems – including porn use. I can’t say that there has never been a wife of a porn user who had sexual awakening, but I can tell you that in the cases of sexual awakening we have heard about, porn use by the husband was insignificant to non-existent. I wonder how many women miss a sexual awakening because their husband has left them in a place where such an awakening is not possible?

Bottom Line: Porn use is playing Russian Roulette with your current and future sex life. Are you feeling lucky?

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Question by Proud American: Take a look at the “Save Marriage” twitter website. Look at the “straight” married couple, what do you think?
The guy in the pic looks to be CLEARLY gay. This makes my point even more valid. Women marry gay men all the time, while most act straight, sometimes I want to walk up to a woman and ask them “are you blind?” women always think guys are straight just cuz they have sex with them, talk about girls, etc etc.

http://twitter.com/nomtweets

Im trying to figure out why gay homophobic twats keep coming in this section.

Best answer:

Answer by Sim – plicimus
Maybe you can tell that by looking, or maybe you can’t. But it is very clear that you are pissed that every last American doesn’t agree with your point of view.

Give your answer to this question below!

I’m big on thinking outside of the box - in fact I have been accused of forgetting where the box is. However, there are times when we need to work with the choices offered, even if we don’t like any of the choices very much. This is often true in marriage, and many hurt feelings and long-term problems come from refusing to choose from the options given.

Trying to add a choice to what she has offered is a not so subtle form of rejecting her, or what she needs, or who she feels she is. It’s saying what she thinks she can do is not good enough, that you expect something more than she is willing or able to do. It may be saying her best is not good enough, or her limits are unacceptable.

Of course your intentions are not what I have said above. We want to add to the choices because we don’t like any of them. We don’t feel any of the choices give us what we want. The selfishness is not about not caring for her, but about caring for ourselves. Thing is, it’s rude to just add what you want to the list as if it not being there is an obvious oversight. Maybe she really can’t give you anything more than the choices she offered. Maybe she would be stretching to do one or more of the choices she has offered.

So, when she says she can do A, B, or C, show her the respect of picking one of those unless doing so is a violation of the law, your morality, or something deep inside that really matters. If you really can’t live with any of the choices, you better have a very good reason why, and it better be more than your own selfishness or habits.

Am I saying just live with it, don’t ever tell her you want more than what she has offered? No, that is not my point. What matters here is how you go about it. Let her know what you want, and that you hope it can be a choice in the future. This validates her, and tells her you care about who she is, her struggles, and her limits. At the same time, you have told her what you want, but in a way that is not demanding or threatening.

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